the new day of the end

8.28am - Office - numb

Huarggh! back at the office again. same shit different day. condition : not so good. been a tough day yesterday. but wth,im a man plak. takkan nak down lelebih. steady la sikit kan. but then, kekadang kita terlalu lama being fake,sampai kita lupa diri kita yang real. ish.

Whoa..for the first time,aku rasa lega..and at the same time, rasa rugi, rasa nyesal, rasa mcm malas nak buat semua benda. semaknye la kepale. dah la keje bertimbun, manusia kat ofis ni mcm bengong, kat luar pun bengong jugak, aku pun bengong. adui.siap tak lapa. haha. gila poyo sial.

anyway, smlm aku end up lepak rumah dia lagi. padahal aku rabak gila. dengan tak tido nye, letih kerja nye. serious lemau gila. tp aku mcm pk blk, aku rasa sebelum aku jadi lagi lain, its better to spend time sikit dgn dia before aku jadi lagi lain. memula aku tanak pekena, but then aku tgk dia comel je gelak2 sebelah aku kepala pusing. ahehae. aku malas la bermuka seriyes je, tp aku ni,kalau stoned,aku rasa aku jadi jujur, cakap lepas je. pastu dah la mood aku tak stable, slambe nak stoned? haha. last2 aku pekena juga 2. tp ni shotgun nye style, locked and load terus dikepala. tp for the 1st time, aku rasa mlm ni kepala berat lain mcm. lain sebab mcm aku baru kenal semua org, lain mcm aku rasa aku baru 1st time pekena.

anyway, im abit bz at the moment, shes here,on ym. yea, awkward conversation i shud say. dah dah. brb.

10.37am - the office

just had my ciggie break. bosan. sejuk nak mampos. but it keeps me from falling asleep. or am i sleeping ? ahaha. anyway, since aku dah kureng ngan dia, im getting worried. bout her. ah you know. the people around her. the environment. the world itself. wish i was the superman, then maybe, maybe, things go the other way around. oh my, gotta snap outta it. stay sharp kerry. grab the bar and hold on. its gonna be a rough ride from now on.

even work also is getting boring. menyampah dah aku buat kerja ni. its different wo. no more eyeballin the handphone whenever it rings. no more expecting for her to text me, no more thinking of questions to ask her. no more strugglin to charge the freakin handphone (ok i admit, E71 has the best battery but i cant recall when was the last time my batt is fully charged! lol)

the early-morn-awkward-conversation.

lissa mohamed: alrite
Kerry: back
lissa mohamed: alrite
lissa mohamed: msti isap rokok tarik
lissa mohamed: budus
Kerry: bleh tahan la
lissa mohamed: tau sgt
Kerry: apsal kau tau plak
Kerry: kau apsal tak tido
Kerry: kang tak blk melaka kang
lissa mohamed: tau ka
lissa mohamed: la
lissa mohamed: predict keeps me safe
Kerry: good
Kerry: wish i had that ability
Kerry: tp aku mmg da predict pon jadi mcm ni
Kerry: so aku pun terer gak la
lissa mohamed: wish it when shooting star appear on u
lissa mohamed: haha
lissa mohamed: yup
lissa mohamed: hehe
Kerry: the stars hate me la
Kerry: even if i wish for a simple thing,takkan nye dpt
lissa mohamed: y the star is hatting u..? did u made some mistake on it
lissa mohamed: haha
Kerry: nah
Kerry: maybe they just fulfill certains people's wishes only
Kerry: *certain
lissa mohamed: y certain. god gave person with each shooting star
lissa mohamed: just pray and u will c it
lissa mohamed: ahah
Kerry: nah, god didnt spare one for me
Kerry: they`re too bz fulfilling other people's wishes
Kerry: and they forgot mine
Kerry: lol
lissa mohamed: noepe .god has infinate time.
lissa mohamed: nope
lissa mohamed: dun give bullshit about time
lissa mohamed: god knew
Kerry: god?
Kerry: is there god?
Kerry: hmm
Kerry: im tired
lissa mohamed: is there god..? wow
lissa mohamed: dun saqy that
lissa mohamed: sometimes god being unfair for those person he loved
Kerry: for what?
Kerry: testing him?
Kerry: testing him for what?
Kerry: his patients?
Kerry: testing him for his patients, for what? to find joy?
Kerry: thats ridiculous
Kerry: if we were meant to be happy,then happy it is
Kerry: we planned,god decide
Kerry: and the decisions usually will disappoint us
Kerry: but then we still pray to god
Kerry: even if the decision made by god is the other way around,seems like wrecklessly choose the option
lissa mohamed: thats not radiculous man'
Kerry: seems like there no option
Kerry: but its god, god made the option
Kerry: not us
Kerry: we hardly have options on life
lissa mohamed: so,how bout if just wait till the end
Kerry: we live, we feel, we suffer,then we die
lissa mohamed: i sure it will comes some miracle
Kerry: thats is the definition of life
Kerry: nah
lissa mohamed: we dont know
Kerry: i know
Kerry: god took everything, for what?
lissa mohamed: we dont know when the time should be
Kerry: for me to live happy?
Kerry: oh thats bs
lissa mohamed: thats y we callled miracle
Kerry: i mean bullshit
Kerry: miracle dont happen
Kerry: miracle is only for those who live by not making any action due to the decision made by god
Kerry: and me, im making my own decision from now on
Kerry: im tired of being me
Kerry: being good wont make u feel good
Kerry: trust me
Kerry: things not always comes around
Kerry: lifes not always in a circle
lissa mohamed: laa..
lissa mohamed: jgn la camnie
Kerry: karma doesnt always happen
lissa mohamed: im just joking about the shooting star
lissa mohamed: y have take it in the serious way
Kerry: im not
lissa mohamed: y u have
Kerry: just telling u what life is, and how god make us live
Kerry: its funny how life works
Kerry: we lived, to be miserable
Kerry: haha
Kerry: then whats the point of living? kan ?
Kerry: tak paham btol
Kerry: this is the problem
Kerry: my problem is, im a human
Kerry: wish i could turn myself into a tv ke radio ke
lissa mohamed: its fate
Kerry: ah fate
Kerry: the word of the wisdom
Kerry: fate
Kerry: dah la
lissa mohamed: u r human cuz u deserved god way to be human ..
Kerry: aku tatau nak cakap ape dah
lissa mohamed: rather to be an animals
Kerry: nah,its hard to be a human
Kerry: i rather be an animal kot
Kerry: u dont have feelings
Kerry: dont have to worry a thing
Kerry: makan,tido,mati
Kerry: simple je life
Kerry: tayah serabut2
Kerry: byk aku bebel
Kerry: dah la
Kerry: .

got back home at lunch - listening to HIM - Dark Lights (the best of all time) chatted with her for few minutes (ok,im gonna post less bout her from now on, shes been asking to come in here to read this with u guys, wat do u guys think? shud i? or by doing that, seems like im asking for sympathy,well thats pathetic kan? ) anyway, im heading to the office now. urgh.

3.52pm - office - bosan dan malas buat keje

hmm.apsal la aku asyik duk post lagi dlm ni. its over dah pun, but im still here, posting some boring-new-daily-routine of mine. urgh. but i dont think tu boleh jamin aku jadi ok.urgh. hari ni kerja mcm haram. satu mende aku tak buat. aku duduk, melangok je keje, online, isap okok, melangok lagi..gila babi tak productive. must do something, must go somewhere. huargh! well, this coming dec i`ll probably be in Indo for few days.tatau ape motif.amir bz dgn tourist.dimas shooting.aiyo. gotta get some rest, the mind need some rest. or maybe i`ll be moving back to shah alam after that. hmm. let me think bout it then. anyway, bosan bosan bosan. dan tension tension tension. tak paham, dan tanak paham. nak balik,tido sampai esok. tata.

additional. - 4.18pm

hmm. just off the phone with her.i dont know why i called her. maybe im just used to it.i was just wondering and worried bout her. oh my, i got carried away. hmm..she sounds kinda slow-tonation but seems normal. glad to hear then. she was in the car,with a friend,picking up gert. thats all.