the beginning of the end

8.12am - home

Yes,im still at home. I got no mood to go to work. Urgh. Its freakin cold here. Shoot! Anyway, theres still no buzzing sound from my handphone. No new msg. the worst way to start another Monday. But then, this time its gonna be different.

I cant sleep lastnite. I had me thinking bout this all night long. I cant live like this. I cant hide every feelings i have for her. Hm. But my prediction its gonna fail. Trust me.

but what the hell..lantak lah..

Lissa,if ur reading this, aku nak ckp, aku suka kau. No no,bukan suka, ________________________. Mark the words. I mean it. Aku tatau mcm mana boleh jd mcmtu, but im falling for u every single day since few months before. Aku minta maaf kalau aku hide mende ni. Aku takut. takut kau jadi lain dgn aku lepas aku bgtau ni. Tp hari ni, aku dah tak larat. Nak pecah dada n kepala aku pk. Aku tak penah mcm ni. seriously. Selama ni apa yg aku buat,apa yg aku cakap, mende yg aku amik, semua sebab aku sayang kau. Seriously. Even mende jahat aku amik, samada dgn kau or time aku sedih pasal kau. Aku tak pk pun pasal mende lain, except to make u smile. It makes me happy to make u happy. To make u feel good,cared and such. Aku baru sedar last Saturday pasal ni. Aku dah layan kau mcm aku layan gf aku dulu. Aku duduk sebelah kau,aku rasa lain. Aku tatau weh cemane jadi mcmni. aku tau aku bukan jenis kau suka. tp aku perlu bgtau kau, so aku bleh lepas dari suffering ni. Its killing me babe, everyday..whenever kita lepak,sms,fb.. Urghhh. And aku tau, starting from today, semua akan jadi lain between us. Well, its life, aku kene amik risiko ni dan aku ready utk terima apa saja. Takde sape tau mende ni kecuali aku dan kau, kalau kau still baca ni. maybe aku tak sweet mcm org lain, aku tak romantic mcm org lain, or maybe aku tak sehebat mcm org lain. all i know, aku ikhlas suka kau. yes, aku tau kau mcm tkejut.tp aku tau kau dah bleh agak, ur good at it. Mende ni mmg aku tak expect. Aku tak peduli pasal past kau, apa skalipun. Ur perfect just the way u r. Ur imperfection makes u perfect, to me. So now kau tau. Sorry babe. for everything,for these things. Its kinda stupid to do this here, but then aku tak boleh ckp direct pada kau semua ni. Yes, im a coward. bila aku bgtau kau directly,aku jd kejung.Aku akan simpan rasa ni. Til then, take care babe. U know i do care bout u. ;|


Shuhhhhhh...there it is...im letting go, hands down..im deleting all of the previous post...and this blog in a few days. Thanks for reading. Take a good example from this. Never hide ur feelings, let it go. U'll be amazed if it comes back to u. But if its other way around,then u just learned a precious lesson of life..failure. this is another end of my speechless notes.