the moments

7.25pm

ok,im back. just had my dinner. yea i know its early. lol. anyway, i miss her. its only been 7 hours baru,tp mcm bengong. ape kes la aku ni. im 25 dah, but then still mcm budak baru in love. WTF weh. so td dia reply sms,and she said "eh mana ada dingin,aku ok la". yea la. dia mmg suka hiding juga. most of the times kalau dia bengang ke marah ke, dia simpan. so agak susah nak predict mana satu real. i just miss her so much. the smile,the laughter, the punches, cubit-cubitan yang sakit nak mampos,bakar2 bulu tangan aku. i miss them.

just texted her mobile,asking "kau gerak what time?" which is refering to 'blk melaka'. shes going back with her friend. suppose naik bus,and aku hantar sampai pudu,but then tak jadi. so anyway, aku rasa mcm tak best je duduk rumah. mcm bodoh je. haha. tp tu la,gelak2 juga,the fact is,i miss her.

aku rasa mcm aku terlalu rapat dgn dia,thats why aku mcm ni. im falling and keep falling for her.maybe bukan intend dia, tp naturally,aku start suka dia. its not bout what men normally look for,ah u know, sex semua tu la. aku tak penah pk pun. aku cuma suka whenever im with her. bahan dia,gelakkan dia,dia bahan balik,dia marah,dia merajuk,then pujuk. such a perfect day.

but its hard for me to let my feelings out. aku susah sikit, ego maybe. but then dulu aku mmg ego dgn dia,nak tlg pun malas. skarang mcm tade ego langsung, siap dia plak ckp jgn tlg kalau aku nak tlg.haha.what to do beb,dah suka.

but, seriously,im in love with her. i would take a bullet for her. seriously. mmg nampak poyo, but when the time comes,i'll prove it. but is she worth it? worth the suffers,worth the time,worth the effort? will she love me back,the same way how i feel for her? hmm ntah la. aku pun suka melalut dlm ni. bosan je, masuk sini melalut.
aku tatau nak cite pada sapa. i never tot aku jadi mcm ni. aku ta pernah mcm ni,even with my last ex-gf. my feelings at the moment ni mcm gila babi taleh tido mlm nye. adoi. ape kes ni.

i wanna be everything to her. i wanna be everything her man's not. tp aku tatau apa yg dia nak dlm hidup.its complicated. shes complicated. shes living in the past. still hang around the memories of the ex-es. kejap ex tu timbul,then ex yg ni,then yg tu. its hard for her to step forward,i mean moving on. dia ni jenis keras kepala, yea maybe dia mmg jenis dgr cakap,but then dia dgr je la. hehe. but i find it sweet.

i dont care bout her past. biarlah ape salah dia buat dulu, teruk ke hina ke baik ke jahat ke, i accept her as the way she is. i wanna guide her to goodness. yea aku tau aku bukan baik mana. tp tu dulu, skarang lain. aku layan xxxxx pon sebab dia. mmg aku takkan amik kalau bukan sebab dia. its either with her, or aku sedih sbb dia then aku layan sorang2. oh my...

life is quite unfair at certain times. kita boleh plan mcm2, kita bleh jadi optimis dlm satu menda,tp kalau gagal, kita perlu kuat utk hadapi tu. aku tau, masa memula dulu,aku dah fikir, sanggup ke aku kecewa sebab dia? well,i think shes worth it. biarla dia seksa aku secara tak sedar mcm ni,aku rasa berbaloi. atleast aku dekat dgn dia. even sbagai kawan,even for awhile,just a chapter of my life story.

yea, aku tau kau sure cakap "apsal la kau tak cakap je kat dia yg kau suka dia?"..susah beb. if ur in my place,kau akan tau. dia ni jenis yg akan kawan je dgn org yg suka dia walaupun dia takde feeling apa. dia jenis tak kisah,thats a good thing, tp brapa lama? slama-lama nya? aku bukan jenis lelaki yg senang2 cari lain. stick to the one weh. dah tu kalau aku stick to her sampai mampos, mati seko la aku? hmm...

so tonite, aku dah sms dia dua tiga kali. dia diam. so this is it..til then,this is my speechless notes.